I Live in a Pee-Soaked Dollhouse

I’m not going to mince words on this one.  I officially hate moving and everything associated with moving.

While I was in California, my husband put our house on the market.  I came home to a stressed-out husband and a house with a crooked “for sale” sign in front.  My husband and in-laws had moved toys and books to storage, touched up walls, moved the computer from the dining room to the back bedroom, and generally cleaned things up.  I hate it, of course.  What can I say?  Nobody likes change.

I hate it because I can’t find anything.  Literally.  I can’t even find the book I was reading before I left, but mostly I’m nervous.  The area we are looking at is further from school.  So, I’m dreading the evil triad of full-time nursing school, moving, AND New York traffic.

Since our house currently looks like a showcase (and better than it’s ever looked), it’s mostly a matter of keeping things tidy and not messing it up.  However, that’s no easy feat with three young kids dragging their fingers all over the walls and leaving their toys wherever they fall.  Of course, this is our own fault because we’ve never made a big deal over those kinds of things.

We’ve always spent most of our time worrying about bigger things… like whether or not our couch is soaked in pee.

Today*, I am going around the house preparing because (once again) folks will be here.  Yes, this breaks the #1 rule of parenting.  As long as it’s not a health hazard, it doesn’t matter if the house gets a little messy.  If it comes down to your sanity or a clean house, you should always choose your sanity.

Okay, back to my story.  Since I spent a big chunk of the morning procrastinating, I’m now in a big hurry.  I have about 90 minutes to clean up the kitchen and straighten the whole house.  In the meantime, my oldest son is lying on the couch watching television.  However, once he sees me go into the kitchen, he follows me in there.  He tells me he has a great idea for a snack.  I tell him he needs to get dressed first, and as he’s walking away, I realize he smells a little like urine.  This is unusual.  “Did you have an accident?” I ask him.

He tells me he didn’t, but he definitely smells.  And he immediately starts jumping up and down, which is one of his anxiety “tells”.  We don’t really have time for a tantrum, so I drop the subject and tell him to go to the bathroom.  I attempt to give him the world’s quickest shower.

(Said tantrum would have gone approximately like this.  Are you mad at me?  Are you mad at me?  Am I a bad boy?  Are you mad at me?  Are you mad at me?  Escalate.  Repeat.  Then he either suddenly calms down or suddenly amps up, depending on mood and star alignment.  Thankfully, he hits far less on Prozac, but some anxiety and confusion are still there.  Because whether he’s on medication or not, he’s still autistic, and he still has trouble reading people, particularly the difference between annoyed and angry.)

As I’m talking to him, I figure out what happened.  His pee was taking too long.  So he decided to be done, and pulled up his pants.  However, the pee kept coming because he wasn’t really done.  Then, rather than tell me he had an accident, he sat back down on the couch and continued to watch television.  So, now we have people coming to see the house, a dirty kitchen, and a couch that smells like pee.  Ugh.

In a flash, I remember one of my old housemates who used to spray her hair with Febreze after a night at the bar.  Sure enough, I find an ancient bottle of Febreze on the top shelf of the linen closet.  Bonus points, actually, because our bottle is anti-bacterial.

Two birds, one bottle of Febreze… but I still hate everything about moving.

Do you remember your last move?  As far as necessary evils go, it’s way up there on my list…

my dream couch for my dream cave… and it won’t smell (Photo Credit: Wikipedia)

*Full Disclosure: I didn’t write this today, but I didn’t have time to edit it last week.

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35 Responses to I Live in a Pee-Soaked Dollhouse

  1. El Guapo says:

    On the bright side, it sounds like it’s already moving form high-stress-traumatic-incident to amusing anecdote.
    Really hope the rest of the process goes smoother for you!

    • Totally true. We are to the point that on the day of the open house, we should say, “Ready… Set… Pee!” and then see what happens! 🙂

      And thanks. The current market is nerve-wracking for selling…

  2. The Hobbler says:

    I hate moving too. Sorry about the pee. We’ve had similar problems here too. My kids stuff is just because they are younger, Still old enough to usually go, but my youngest waits until the last second before running there. If one thing slows her down it is too late. If I don’t know about it, she will leave the wet clothes in the bathroom, change and act normal. I rarely go upstairs, so her wet stuff may be in there for a day while I wonder why the house smells like pee.

  3. Oh, I hate moving too… I’ve been in the US eight years now and I’ve moved five times. And that doesn’t count the actual act of emigration, which was comparatively easy and stress free…

  4. We moved to the town we live now nearly 5 years ago. I hated it for the first 4.5. I swore that the minute the kids were done with school, the gravel would be flying behind me. Now I hate the idea of moving more. I think I’d rather stay in a town I don’t like than move again. Even if the nest is empty.

  5. My next move is 10 days away. I’m not looking forward to it.

  6. saradraws says:

    Isn’t moving one of the top five reasons people turn to opiates, or something. I’m sure I read that somewhere.
    My toddler has pooped on the floor twice in 24 hours, but at least there’s no strangers coming over to judge my home…. I mean, see the apartment.

  7. haphillips says:

    I’m kind of excited you’re moving, because mine has been so much fun! I wish I could do this more often than I already do. I will sell you a trailer right freaking now!

  8. We moved a lot about five years ago. I think in the span of a few years, we moved three times. It was hellish. A few times we moved when I was either pregnant or nursing a newborn. Or between houses so we had to temporarily get an apartment and put our stuff in storage. It was so stressful! The current house we’re in, we’ve been in for over five years, the longest we’ve lived anywhere in our entire marriage.

    • That’s kinda my nightmare, although we did move into our first house when I was eight months pregnant. We moved several times the first few years, but we’ve been here for seven. I swore I would never move again. Of course, I have kissed the Blarney Stone and I do talk too much…

  9. I like purging stuff, but moving is just so, so much work. Plus, you get your place that clean for other people and it only highlights A) what total pigs you are normally and B) that the place is quite nice now that it’s clean…

  10. rebecca2000 says:

    I changed to leather when my oldest was a baby. She had stomach issues and would have diaper blow outs daily. It was gross! Sorry you’re dealing with all of this and a move. ((hugs))

  11. These are the kinds of stories that will make you smile and touch your heart…when you tell them at your children’s graduation parties or engagement parties. Or years from now, when you’ve moved somewhere else(s), you’ll take a memory drive-by and say, “Oh, do you remember…?”
    Great post.

  12. Kim says:

    The last time we moved, about 2 years ago, I swore we would never EVER move again… and now here we are considering moving… *sigh*

  13. sagescenery says:

    Moving????? Yup! Right up there with clean-out-all-your-closets-for-a-garage-sale, which we did this summer!! At least, if we were moving, we’d have more furniture to put in the garage sale! Ha!!

    I agree, I hate moving, too..I really only want my house clean enough for “us” to live in it…not for real estate people & home buyers to come & pry!!

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