How to Torture Your Husband on a Rainy Weekend

Whenever I see signs that read “Keep New York Beautiful,” I snicker a little.  This area of New York is fairly developed, and you have to go pretty far East or upstate before you encounter natural beauty.

In contrast, northern Pennsylvania, is just full of natural beauty.  (As I had mentioned in another post, our family travels there semi-frequently.)  However, the area is very rural, so when the weather is bad, there isn’t much to do.  And the drive takes a minimum of three hours.  Three hours isn’t bad, of course; it’s just frustrating when it takes six hours for a three-hour trip…

New York Traffic (Try not to be jealous.)

Mumbles something incoherent that sounds remarkably like cursing.

Anyway, with the rain last weekend, we were stuck indoors for the most part.  Thankfully, I found this novelty pen at a convenience store, and this pen turned out to be endless entertainment.  It’s a Notre Dame pen with a fighting Irishman.  Every time you click him, he punches.  And, in order to make full use of the pen, one should also say, “POW, POW, POW!” with every click.  As it turns out, Mr. Lunchmeat finds said pen rather annoying, which makes for lots of bonus fun.  So, I present to you…

How to Torture Your Husband on a Rainy Weekend:

10. Click novelty pen repeatedly, while saying, “POW, POW, POW!”

9. While telling your husband how bad he is at cheating at cards, click pen and say, “POW, POW, POW!”  (Yes, I expect my Euchre partners to be good at cheating.  Is that too much to ask?)

8. Encourage your three-year-old to repeatedly click the pen, while saying, “POW, POW, POW!”  (We are clearly related, as she does this with flying colors.)

7. While filling out Sudoku puzzle, take ten minute breaks to click pen.  “POW, POW, POW!”  Return to Sudoku.  Break to play with pen.  Repeat.

6. Talk about awesome pen repeatedly.

5. Encourage your six-year-old to repeatedly click the pen, while saying, “POW, POW, POW!”  (This also seems to come quite naturally to said six-year-old.)

Crummy cell phone picture, taken before pen mysteriously vanished…

4. Encourage your eight-year-old to repeatedly click the pen, while saying, “POW, POW, POW!”  (Husband is appearing rather aggravated.)

3. Try to keep the pen on you at all times.  “POW, POW, POW!”

2. Husband is appearing more and more annoyed.  Be sure to take the pen everywhere, including the shower.  Sleep with pen right next to you.

1. Wake up Monday morning to discover the pen is missing.

And there it is, how to torture your husband with nothing but ingenuity and a pen.  Do you have any fun ways to torture your spouse activities/traditions you save for rainy days?

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34 Responses to How to Torture Your Husband on a Rainy Weekend

  1. Carrie Rubin says:

    The reverse is true in my household–my husband finds ways to torture me. I guess I need to get busy…

    It’s funny, because I have a post about my husband planned for Monday. Well, it’s kind of about him. Great minds and all that. 🙂

  2. mikeakin1 says:

    That is so mean, but very creative! I wanted to take a hammer to that pen by the end of the post. 🙂

  3. El Guapo says:

    As a husband, I strenuously object to this clear and malignant spouse baiting.

    That being said, where can I pick up one of these pens, because it would drive my wife batty!

  4. rebecca2000 says:

    hah you and I need to write one of these together. 😉

  5. I don’t need a pen. All I have to do is lick my husband on the face and he’ll go batshit. Now one of my sons does it too.. he’s my favourite.

  6. yes I do, I pretend I am handing him the channel changer and then pull it back — I can do this for hours

  7. I miss Euchre, No one plays in Florida.

  8. I love to play euchre and i cheat all the time!

  9. My favorite way to annoy Mr. Weebles on any day, rainy or not, is to get right up in his face while he’s reading or on the computer, and say, “Is this annoying you?” Usually it is.

  10. My younger one used to go stand next to her older sister about 6 inches away from her face and just blow a puff of air every 10 seconds or so. After about 3-4 minutes, the older one goes batshit crazy screaming. Of course I heard nothing previous to the older one going nuts and intervene, asking the older one why she is freaking out when we had such nice silence of them playing quietly together. She tells me what happened. I ask younger one who says, “Yep, I did.” WHY?
    Because I was bored.

    We’ve discovered a little puff of air at 10 second intervals can truly alleviate boredom. Now it’s a family tradition.

  11. La La says:

    My future husband is going to LOVE this. I can’t even wait.

  12. saradraws says:

    I think my hubs outdoes me in this arena too. I wish I had a pen like yours. A secret weapon.

  13. Lovely, lovely :). When’s the divorce planned? 😉

  14. Kim says:

    I suspect that your husband is secretly playing with the pen… While silently mouthing the words POW POW POW

  15. Oh, wow, I suddenly have some ideas of what to do when my husband is watching one of his reality fishing / dumpster diving / survival / pawn store reality shows. POW POW POW. The 12 and 8 year olds would really get into that too.

    • Love and Lunchmeat says:

      Oh… Thankfully my husband doesn’t watch any of those. I think as he’s watching you should grab a notebook, and start writing down ideas for when times get tight. A friend of mine likes to tell stories about eating worms in Iraq.

      I would bet if you went that route your husband would eventually freak out and stop watching those shows. “Aagh! There’s my wife with the notebook again…” Every spouse is different though, and this might not be the right tactic for your husband.

  16. Pingback: Tequila and Fairytales | Ruminations on Love & Lunchmeat

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